Not too many months ago, I got a facebook message - 'Did you hear about Radha? She passed away. She had a Brain Tumor which was detected too late.' (name changed to respect privacy)
I had just woken up and like any other so-called tech savvy individual, I opened my FB page to see (and eventually feel jealous) what happened during the past 6 hours in the lives of my 'friends'. Who visited what, who ate where, who is in a crappy mood, who was watching which movie, whose kid had the sweetest smile, whose parents were angelic, what color was the tree across their window, what were they grateful for today....the usual 'important' stuff....
But this news was not one that I was ready to digest.....I knew her since 12 years. Well, to be fair, I first met her 12 years ago when she joined my team. She was 8-10 months my senior and at that time, it was a lot. We got along well, she was friendly, had a wonderful smile, traditional in her outlook, overall a fun person to be with. Over the years, once she got married, had a kid, she became more of a mother-figure among us bachelors. We would tease her and she would give us 'gyaan'.
I remember the time when we all had to write a Certification exam and she did not clear it. It was not a good day for the rest of us. I put my foot in my mouth by lighting the spark and 'boom' - she erupted. We later found out that this was the first time in her entire life she had ever failed in a subject. Though most of us also failed, it did not bother us much. But it obviously upset her very much. She eventually cleared the paper in the next try but that was the 1st time I realized that she could not comprehend failing, being defeated, losing.......
I also recall the time when she was expecting her first child. She did not know the gender of the baby. And I like the over-smart guy, decided to tease her by calling the unborn child - It. Since the child did not have a gender yet, I thought it right (and amusing in my own way) to calling the child 'It'. I was shot down pretty fast, pretty hard. She was not amused whatsoever.
As years passed, we saw each other more infrequently, spoke to/of one another even more rarely. When I left for an assignment, I bid most of my friends/colleagues good-bye, she being one of them. I always knew I would see or hear from them again in a few months or so.
I had not met/spoken to her in 2+ years until that morning. And that's how it will remain for the rest of my life.
Though she was not my closest friend or confidant, she held a special place in my heart. Her sparkling smiling face always brought a smile on my face (and I am sure it had the same effect on so many others too). That day my eyes got misty more times than i can remember. I called up some of our common friends - folks who I had not spoken to in years. It felt nice to share/exchange stories with them about her, laugh at the funny moments, become silent at times.
I found out that she got to know of her ill-health a month before delivering her 2nd child. I can't think to imagine what she might have felt - a woman who could not accept defeat, a woman so full of life and cheer. She passed away after 1.5 years of suffering. It was exactly the same duration when I was not around and did not once give her a call to say Hello.
I realized that day that there are so many friends and family members out there, who I was once close with, who I met/spoke to very often, met during summer holidays, went out for a tea break with at office, played pranks with in school or lived with in college. I had lost touch with them. I did not know where they were, or what was happening in their lives, what were their spouse or children's names, where were they working (if at all).
As I spoke to some of them over the course of the next 2-3 days, I made myself a promise - to stay more in touch with those I care about, my friends-family, get to know what's going on in their lives, share my experiences, share a drink, crib about our managers......
In short - Life's unpredictable, You never know what might happen next. You don't want to regret that you missed the chance or opportunity to express your feelings, thank them for being there or how much you appreciate their understanding. There is no better day than today......So don't wait for tomorrow to call them up, speak to them for a few minutes and stay connected.
I hope others don't get to learn this the hard way, like I did......
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